“You finally get to the front of a long line and get your chance to sample one ounce of a Florida nanobrewery’s latest Berliner weisse. But what’s this—there’s more!? Free shit you can just take! Stickers and patches and even koozies, all with the brewery’s crappy logo on them! The schwag seems awesome in the moment, but the reality is you shouldn’t take any of that junk. Because you’re a 32-year-old and you don’t need any more bottle opener keychains.”

The (Non-Obvious) Guide to Surviving a Beer Festival
Aaron Golfarb
From the website First We Feast