lager

Who asked for cleanskin beer?

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“Oh look! It must be a good beer because it says ‘Premium’ on the label. And there’s a red banner that says ‘imported’. Oooo, I am so buying this. Because I am an idiot.”

Let me tell you a story about buying this bottle of Cleanskin Beer. Sorry, Premium Cleanskin Beer, according to the label (because I wouldn’t want to think I was just drinking an ordinary old cleanskin beer).

When I took this beer up to the register, the guy behind the counter told me this story about how some buyer for the bottle shop chain said he’d gotten some people who only ever drank Crown Lager to swap to this beer instead.

“Now they find that this beer tastes even better than Crown,” said the cash register guy with a note of amazement in his voice.

Being the polite guy I am I just nodded and said ‘‘Mmm, oh really?’’ but inside I’m thinking ‘‘dude, that’s not as amazing as you think it is. Crown Lager is a triumph of style over substance. The fact that someone found a stock-standard lager tastes better than a Crownie shouldn’t surprise you because a Crownie is a stock-standard lager’’. It’s like being surprised that Home Brand cheese slices taste just as good as Kraft Singles.

Incidentally, I’m classing this beer as a lager even though the label gives no descriptive claim beyond calling it ‘‘beer’’. Which is like buying a can of peas where the label says ‘‘vegetables’’.

Anyway, I guess it was only a matter of time before someone came up with the idea of cleanskin beer. It’s a concept that works in the world of wine, as there is a glut of the stuff so it’s not too hard for a manufacturer to pick up a few thousand litres of fermented grape juice for cheap and whack it in a bottle with a label that looks like it was printed off someone’s home computer by using one of those old-style printers where the cartridge zips back and forth, making a god-awful racket.

But in the beer world, to my knowledge there’s no glut going on. There aren’t litres and litres of fermented beer sitting in huge vats going undrunk. No, to end up with something like this, someone had to go out and buy all the ingredients with the intent of making a cleanskin beer.

Because they sure weren’t aiming to make a good one, but you’d probably already worked that one out. A truly imported beer – it comes from South Korea – it’s a macro lager pure and simple. If you drink Crownies, or VB or Carlton Cold, you could get the same ‘‘enjoyment’’ and save money by buying ‘‘Premium Cleanskin Beer’’.

Or you could move up a level and start buying beer that has some actual taste.

Would I drink it again?: You know, I can’t really see a time when that will ever happen. So, no.

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15 replies »

    • Yes. So apt…..I love the way you ladies critique. It gets lost in translation though so I can only imagine the way you pronounce every single synonym and letter so you ensure everyone knows what you are talking about because really you just learnt that word and you’re still unsure that your mouth can use it properly just yet.
      You see the best way to do these sort of things is to compare apples with apples. If you are going to buy a cleanskin you should prepare to drink a cleanskin, not one of the beers you tried for the first time at that BBQ on the weekend. you know, the one with a name you can’t pronounce that you made last for 2 hours so everyone could ask you what you were drinking so you could reply with your new found superiority over everyone who doesn’t drink boutique beer.

  1. Ok,so you don`t like it,I am guessing your some kind of” WINE POOF” lol.
    The beer tastes fine to me,you mite try licking less butt holes and your taste buds mite return.
    $30 a carton,it`s a bloody bargain!

    • If you like it, that’s great. I like to choose my beer on how it tastes, not how cheap it is. And, given that I write a beer blog, it should be staggeringly obvious that I’m not a “wine poof”. By the way you MIGHT want to learn how to spell.

  2. I assume the market is there for businesses to use these clean skin beers, and put there own label on them. I have seen them at Mt Kuring-gai Indoor Sports Centre with their own label. Was pretty average but did hit the spot after a run around, and was only $2,

      • Interesting is correct dude. Never been to a restaurant and seen a label on the wine bottle with the restaurants name on it? That’s right – relabeled. But you know what that is and you steer clear. Sitting down and drinking a beer you know is going to taste the way it does and then critiquing it the way you do doesn’t make sense. You don’t sound cool or knowledgable, you sound like a tosser. It’s like kicking a 121 year olds arse and then making a speech about how well you did sticking to your your strategy for the fight. I am drinking one of these right now and I know what it is and I do not look for things on my palette that I know won’t be there. This is not the time.

      • I have had cleanskin wines before and enjoyed some of them. The word “cleanskin” doesn’t always mean “bad”. I try everything with an open mind… And I found this beer lacking. Even with a cleanskin label.

  3. well i just bought a box of this beer…. i can tell you im a beer drinker and brew my own beer so us Aussies are fussy over the bbq…. ok here we go.. what the hell are you all going on about the beer is this and it tastes like that i think you all mean crap.. well what i done was swapped the beer from … meaning i poured cleanskin into top shelf beer bottles put the lids on real good…chilled the beer and had them flowing at a bbq and nobody quivered not one bad remark they could not tell the diff and they are hugh beer drinkers… top shelf you pay for the name just like sneekers Nike Adidas you get the drift,,,,,,,,,,, SO SNOB OFF Mr OH IM A BEER CRITIC I KNOW ALL ABOUT THIS AND THAT FO

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