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I hate Crown Lager

Life is full of mysteries that may never be solved.
For instance, why the hell are those stupid “My Family” stickers so popular? I keep waiting for them to go the way of (gratutious ’90s pop culture reference coming …) Hypercolour T-shirts or Fido Dido but they’re still here. And they seem to be proliferating.
Frigging things are like lantana.
Another mystery is why so many people think Crown Lager is a classy, boutique beer. Plenty of people seem to think it gives them an air of sophistication by drinking it.

This beer is to be avoided at all costs.

If you go to some function where the alcohol is free, it’s a laydown misere that they’ll have Crownies there, presumably because they think it sends the message “Look, we’re classy people. We drink the expensive stuff.”
I should offer the following caveat here – I utterly loathe Crown Lager. Until I tasted the appalling Cave Creek Chili Beer, I had bestowed upon Crown the title of “Worst Beer in the World”.
Part of my hatred stems from the fact that it’s marketed as though it’s something special with the fancy labelling about how “it’s the bestest beer ever invented in Australia. Honest. We’re serious” (a word to the wise: a beer that has to tell you it’s the best probably isn’t. Budweiser, the alleged “king of beers” is another example).  There’s also the unusually-shaped, eye-catching bottle (reputed to be the strongest in Australia), which is more “classy” marketing.
The pricing is in line with the marketing-imposed image. On most restaurant beer and wine lists it sits a good dollar or more over the cheaper domestics like VB or Tooheys New.
But despite all this, the beer is still crap. If you forget about the image and simply taste the beer, you’ll find it’s actually nothing special at all.
I once did a completely unscientific taste test – lining up a Crownie alongside a VB. Feeling charitable, I reckoned the Crownie would taste only slightly better – but it turned out they were shockingly similar. So similar I reckon a blindfolded Crown drinker would struggle to tell the difference. So similar that the cynic in me wondered if they were actually the same beer.
Now, if a beer wants to whack a high price tag on itself you’d expect it to be a lot better than an entry-level VB. Otherwise, you might as well save your money and buy the cheaper one. Or maybe start drinking for taste rather than image.

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3 replies »

  1. Here here!, its an ordinary beer that gets waved around as something special. And then there is that family do where someone springs for the fancy stuff and you get crown. In protest I started taking kegs of homebrew to the family Christmas party, goes down a treat and is allways gone before the crown

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