The Carlton Mid baseball cap & bottle opener combo.

I am such a whore when it comes to free stuff. Whether I need it or not I’ll take it because it’s free. It’s a large part of the reason why I have loads of stubby holders (I believe people in other places call them koozies) even though I haven’t used any of them for more than two years.

It’s also why I ended up with this Carlton Mid baseball cap. I shouldn’t have it on principle because I loathe their TV commercials – where four mates “just happen” to be holidaying at the same place with their partners but have actually planned it that way so they can booze on rather than spend time with their other halves. It’s an ad that I find offensive as it carries the implication that beer drinkers are deeply immature. Strange that Carlton Mid would see their customers that way (though I have to admit that, for a mid-strength beer, it’s not too bad. I was the driver during a family night out and had one, not expecting much and was pleasantly surprised. Next time I’m driving I’ll have one).

But back to the cap. I was at the local Liquorland recently picking up a bottle of Oyster Bay for my wife. When I got to the counter I saw the caps sitting there and the woman at the register asked me if I wanted one. Being a Free Stuff whore I took one. But it’s not just a cap, it also opens bottles. See that silver disc in the brim? Well the underside of that looks like a sprocket, with teeth around the edge. The idea is that you put the beer bottle cap into the sprocket thing and twist. Voila, the bottle is opened and you didn’t have to use the bottom of your t-shirt. Handy, huh?

Well it would be if I drank beers that were twist tops. And it would be if I were to ever wear this cap in public. You see, that sprocket thing is quite chunky; it a juts out a full centimetre below the underside of the cap. So it’s quite noticeable to others. And to the wearer, because there’s this chunk of metal always in your peripheral vision.

So now I’ve got a bottle opening baseball cap that I’ll never use. I’ve now put it in the pile of other free stuff I’ve grabbed despite having no use for it.